


got a body like a weapon (it goes b-b-bang, bang bang)

by chasingpatterns



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, M/M, Minor Cisco Ramon/Lisa Snart, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9378086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingpatterns/pseuds/chasingpatterns
Summary: “Are you sure that’s what you should be doing right now?”“Technically, I haven’t done it yet.”–Based onthis CollegeHumor sketch. Spies AU because... why not.





	

He doesn’t need to scan the area. He’s already done it a few times, despite having the blueprints memorized and knowing the layout backwards and forwards. He knows the wait staff’s shift changes, the guest list, profiles, names, faces, and now, a specific ass belonging to Mick Rory. Len doesn’t feel neglectful at all as he watches it walk off in a very nicely tailored suit to get them some drinks. Sometimes, it’s the simple things in life.

Still, with his current primary focus fixated on what is, frankly, much more entertaining than what he’s tasked to do he still notices Lisa slipping next to him and the beginning crackle in his earpiece.

“Are you sure that’s what you should be doing right now?” He can hear the unspoken drawl – _Lenny_ – and pictures the curve of her lips. He responds with a small smirk that she can’t see but will understand anyways. When they work together, which isn’t as often as they’d like, they make a good pair with the way they understand each other. Seems growing up together made for something after all.

“Technically, I haven’t done it yet.”

“Oh, come on,” Cisco groans in his ear. Cisco is Lisa’s techie who she’s worked on with a couple of jobs and, now, her partner. In accordance, the smile across her lips grows wider still and beside him, she straightens up, throws a two finger wave to the camera in the corner.

“What do you think,” Len continues. Mick has disappeared to the bar at the other side of the room. He can still spot him among the gowns and tuxes and glitter of jewelry against the soft lighting in the room. He’s frankly, _beautifully_ massive. It’s like he brought his muscles as his accessory. “Is he gay?”

“You didn’t look him up before we left?” Lisa feigns disappointment. Len swats her off.

“I’ll check social medias.” The tapping of keys follows, as well very soft chewing. Cisco had gotten take out “for the stake out!” Currently, both Snarts were looking forward to their own containers of lo mein, but that’s later. “I’ve got a Facebook and an Instagram, no dating apps.”

Lisa laughs. “So no Grindr.”

“He’s single.” That’s certainly a relief. Lisa signals off that she’s going to circle around again, suspiciously towards the bar. She even manages to turn and blow him a kiss while no one’s looking, leaving him to roll his eyes affectionately at her.

“Does it mention what he’s interested in?”

Pause. Cisco forgot he couldn’t see him. “…No.”

“Hm. Paranoid or uncaring?”

“Uncaring.” Lisa’s voice, now. He’ll bet his watch she’s got an eye on Mick now. “What are his posts like?”

“Looks like most of it is him being tagged in things, so definitely uncaring.”

“Are the posts _gay_?”

“There’s one mini rant about Trump – against – and he posted a picture of a bonfire. Not the people, not the food, just the fire.”

Len contemplates this while Lisa and Cisco try to go further into what’s available on his profile, and finds Mick is mostly a keep-to-himself guy.

“Oh! There’s some pictures of his food.”

“That’s gay.”

“He’s really into crème brûlée.”

“Gay.”

“But written without the accents.”

Lisa and Len let out simultaneous thoughtful hums.

“Oh, and the mark has left Location B and will be headed here shortly.”

“It’ll take them twelve minutes and fifty four seconds to arrive, so we’ll be fine.”

“I’ll start the clock.”

“Move to Instagram?”

“Baked Alaska.”

“He really likes fire.” Len thinks back to the burn scars he saw starting to creep up Mick’s wrists to his arms underneath his sleeves and suit and lets out an appreciative hum. “What else?”

“…Picture with his arm around a girl.”

“Is she pretty?”

“Lisa! Focus.”

“Right.”

“She is. Although, from the looks of it, it seems like she’s got a boyfriend. Ooh, a bad one. You think if I send her a message – ”

“Cisco.”

“Not even _one_ small ‘dump him, girl’? No? Fine.”

Len checks his watch and resigns himself to pretending to work, mentally running backgrounds on people who pass. He takes special notice of a busser that’s kept the same tray of dirty glasses for the past twenty-two minutes without going back to the kitchen despite it being quite a busy event. Another four and a half minutes before the mark comes.

“Shirtless pic!” Lisa’s magically appeared back at his side and pulls out a small monitor at the news. A few moments later, the image materializes and Len ends up licking his lips. Cisco pretends to gag over the comms unit and Lisa’s light laugh chimes to his left. Len doesn’t particularly care, just allows himself to stare at the picture for another seven seconds. He deserves it, dammit.

“Picture with other shirtless guys looks pretty promising.”

“On paper. Could also be him being really straight.”

He continues to scan the picture, and on his last literal second, notices something.

“Enhance the picture, offset _x_ by 674, _y_ by 538.” Cisco does so, and Len is so satisfied he allows himself to partially drape himself across the table they’ve been waiting at. “He’s gay.”

“Andrew Christian.”

“ _And_ pink.” Lisa sounds as delighted as Len is, but for similar yet ultimately different reasons. “So, gay.”

“Gay.”

“Ooh, bye, Lenny.” She pats his shoulder, lightly while trying to be discrete, and begins to take Cisco’s directions on where to meet the mark on the patio outside. Meanwhile, Mick is coming back carrying two drinks and looking so damn good, Len would much rather be dragging him into a dark corner. Stupid job.

“You didn’t screw up my order,” he notes appreciatively, his drawl creeping into his voice. Mick smiles and hands his glass over to him before taking a sip from his own.

“What can I say, I take ‘em well.” Oh, Len likes him. If only he met him forty-eight minutes earlier. He takes a sip, then sets his drink back on the table, the frown surprisingly real as he looks to his watch.

“Unfortunately, I have to be going, but why don’t you give me a call?” He scribbles down the number to his (temporary, but will do for now) phone before disappearing to find Lisa. Still, he catches Mick tucking the napkin into his jacket pocket. Yeah. That’ll do.

* * *

“So. How’d it go?” Len can’t answer at the moment, currently in a chokehold and reaching for his gun.

Cisco answers for him, “Gave him his number. Even smiled as he took it.”

“Very nice.” He can literally hear bone crunching as Lisa snaps a collarbone, before he fires his gun and ruins his hearing for the next few minutes. Currently, it’s not as important to him as catching his breath is, so it’s fine. She showed up in a form fitting dress, covered in sheer gold fabric that only she can pull off that has a slit running down the leg. Len knows it was worn – never solely for, but a large enough amount – for Cisco’s benefit. He’s stayed sagely out of their long game of flirting back and forth, and frankly, Lisa’s managing fine. How she does it, he’ll never know.

Their main mark takes off, and Len curses before chasing after him. It does, of course, leave Lisa alone, but he’s not too worried. He left her behind with the bodyguard who Lisa now has a personal vendetta against for further ripping the slit on her dress. Something tells him the guard will be much worse off than she will. Plus, Lisa’s kind of got a thing for making grown men cry.

* * *

“Mark down.” As in, the mark is now out cold and handcuffed waiting for Lisa and Cisco to arrive in the van for pick up. Honestly, it shouldn’t have taken as long as it did, but Len will take it.

“Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool – ” Lisa and Cisco have been binge watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine. “I’ll be back!” Cisco sounds like he’s running and Len raises an eyebrow in lieu of a response. Cisco can’t see him, though.

“Why are you – ”

“Lisa’s in trouble. Turns out, he had an extra bodyguard.” Len starts to run, remembering the waiter from before, but slows only when he accepts that at three miles away, Cisco will get there much more quickly. “Don’t worry, I got it.” Another thirteen seconds of running before he hears the quiet whizz of a silencer and then a high five, with enough time for a hug in between. Cisco’s always good for being there right on time with a gun.

“Hi, big brother.”

“Hey, sis. You alright?”

“Peachy.”

“Hey.” Now, that was not from the comm. Lenn’s head darts up, still on alert, and points his gun even if he knows he’s out of ammo. He can still make a move for his auxiliary stash if need be.

Turns out it’s _Mick._ Goddammit. If he has to kill him he’ll genuinely be disappointed.

Mick fucking _chuckles_ at him and pulls out a badge. He also takes a split moment after to keep a free hand hovering towards what Len assumes is a gun. That, he can definitely respect. His intruder actually looks pretty endeared and Len’s feeling a weird type of way about it all. He doesn’t enjoy being blindsided, and he’s already hit his limit from all the mishaps with the mark.

“Cisco?”

“Yep, it’s legit.” The thoughts running through his head are along the lines of whoops, but far more elaborate. Explicit. Mick cuts into the middle of his running string of theories, but he keeps his face as blank as he can get it, with slight squinting and general reevaluation. His gun gets tucked back into his holster. Mick drops his other hand.

“I was sent here on discard last minute,” Cisco chimes in with another “yep!” in his ear, “but y’ended up doing a pretty good job.”

Len scoffs. “ _Pretty_ good? If they’d sent anyone else, this would’ve been on national news by now.”

“Sure, boss.”

Len stops a smile from coming up. “So when you said you were from a farm, you meant _the_ farm.”

“I grew up on a farm too, but yeah. I usually do bang an’ burns.”

Len says nothing to that, simply fixes him with a meaningful look at the word choice even if it’s nothing but regulation – then up and down again for good measure while he registers the new information. The smirk is back full force.

“You kept that number?”

Mick nods.

“Call me.”

**Author's Note:**

> The internet told me agents can have social media and that means it's 100% true. Aaand this title should've been used for something else but eh.
> 
> Huge shout out to [ice-whisper](http://ice-whisper.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing, [johncuntstantine](http://johncuntstantine.tumblr.com/) for helping, and both of them for dealing with my bullshit.
> 
> [tumblr.](http://chasingpatterns.tumblr.com/)


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